I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
