Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
