Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
the day after is always just damage control
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
