Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
