Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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