all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
