he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
