; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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