A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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