why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
