I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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