Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
