True but thats because hes a fetus.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
