you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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