How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
