Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
