Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
