you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
