drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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