Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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