i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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