I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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