im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
