dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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