based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
