We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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