I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
ok first of all what the fuck
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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