You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She's the barista slut.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I won't apologize to a one balled man
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
