I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
