We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
