soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
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So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
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Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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