I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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