The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
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He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
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I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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