He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
