friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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