brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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