Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
