i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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