he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
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