i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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