i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
