New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just high enough for therapy.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
