My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
