You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm like, not good at living.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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