I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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