Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Randomize
