I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
