They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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