If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
