Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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