I got chris browned last night
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
