What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
