every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
