holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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