I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
