She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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