You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
