Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
