I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
