She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
