i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
