Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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