Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
