She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just want to make out with him forever
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I think people are normalizing furries
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
