there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
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