dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
