Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
