Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
