I think I am morally bankrupt
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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