Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
