He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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