Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
