I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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