I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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