Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You made out with two different species that night
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
