he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So much rum. So many feels.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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