U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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