Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
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